Emails of a Fabric Softener Teddy Bear
by Dean and Sammy
Summary: Dean discovers email and so does the fabric softener teddy bear.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Emails of a Fabric Softener Teddy Bear.

**Disclaimer: **We don't own Supernatural. If we did, would we really be posting this here?

**Warnings: **None, really. Slight language.

**Setting: **Uh... set some time after Provenance.

**A/N:** This is a very random story. Slightly lame, but... we thought it was funny. Please review!

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: My new 'Ppltalk' account!

Isn't this great? Sammy, I set you up an account with this new email service simply for communication sakes. Could you pass the box of Lucky Charms? I'm starving.

From Dean.

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: My new 'Ppltalk' account!

Okay. First of all: My name is Sam. NOT Sammy. Second of all: I already _have _an email address. I don't need another one. Third: we are sitting right next to each other. Why do you feel the need to email me?

Lastly: Those aren't Lucky Charms. They're Cheerios.

From Sam. NOT Sammy or Samantha.

* * *

To: f.s.teddy.bear

From: dean.w

Subject: I WILL kill you!

You just wait now, you son-of-a-bitch. With my new email account you're goin' down!

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

To: dean.w

From: f.s.teddy.bear

Subject: Muahahahahaha!

You just wait... I have friends. And YOU are going down. I'll make the fabric on your shirt so soft you'll think it was raining little bunny tails.

P.S: My name is Snuggle.

* * *

To: f.s.teddy.bear

From: dean.w

Subject: RE: Muahahahahaha!

I'll get you! And F.Y.I, the Wikipedia article on ME is bigger than the one on YOU.

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: Snuggle

Dude, we HAVE to get that fabric softener teddy bear. I swear, if I have to listen to that little brat talk about the fabric on my shirt ONE more time-

BTW, did you realize we have Wikipedia articles on us? Sweet.

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: Snuggle

Dean, I think you have a complex. I mean, I know we've seen some stuff that would mess ANYONE's head up pretty damn badly, but you need to find a way to deal with it. Going after Snuggle isn't going to solve our problems, okay?

From Sam.

P.S: 'Dean The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer'? Maybe you should lay off the Buffy episodes. Go back to Oprah, man.

* * *

To: john.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: Dean

Dad, we need to talk. Dean's been acting really strange. Like, stranger than usual. He keeps saying he wants to kill Snuggle. I was hoping maybe you could try and talk some sense into him.

From Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: john.w

Subject: RE: Dean

Sam, have you tried holy water? I don't want anything to happen to you boys, but... Snuggle comes first. He's got through many a long day with that fabric softener.

From Dad.

P.S: I'm sending a shirt out to you boys. Maybe this'll help Dean see that all Snuggle does is good.

* * *

To: john.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: RE: Dean.

Dad, I really don't think a shirt is going to help Dean. This isn't about Snuggle, anyway. It's about Dean.

He needs help.

From Sam.

* * *

To: devil.in.da.making

From: dean.w

Subject: I need your help!

Meg,

Now, listen up, normally I wouldn't come near you or even talk to you if I could help it, but the situation is getting desperate. That fabric softener teddy bear is up to something, I know it... That's why I need your help. Dad and Sammy aren't listening to me... that teddy bear is a killer and I swear to god I'm gonna TAKE HIM DOWN!

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

To: moldywart.wannabe

From: devil.in.da.making

Subject: Snuggle

Master,

Those Winchester boys are getting close. I can feel it... the father, John, already knows the signs. Our master plan is safe, though –for now- as Dean is the only one who suspects. Snuggle apparently keeps provoking the older brother. I was wondering if you'd have a word with him?

-Meg Masters.

* * *

To: f.s.teddy.bear

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: Provoking the brothers

Dear Snuggle,

I was chatting with Meg and she told me you were provoking the eldest. You know very well why you can't and if it happens again, there will be severe consequences, such as the absence of your fabric softening powers.

Do I make myself clear?

From the next Dark Lord

* * *

To: moldywart.wannabe

From: f.s.teddy.bear

Subject: Sorry, Master

I am very sorry, Master. As a token of my regret, please accept this already-softened shirt.

-Snuggle.

* * *

To: f.s.teddy.bear

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: RE: Sorry, Master

Thank you, Snuggle. Does it come in purple?

From the next Dark Lord

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: Therapy

Dean, I just wanted to know you have an appointment with a psychiatrist at eleven am tomorrow morning. I can come with you, if you'd like some support. You just need to know that you have nothing to worry about, that the psychiatrist is only there to help you.

-Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: RE: Therapy

Sammy, have I not made myself clear? I DO NOT want some guy examining my head!

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: RE: Therapy

The psychiatrist is a woman.

-Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Therapy

When can we leave?

From Dean.

AKA The Fabric Softener Teddy Bear Slayer

* * *

**A/N:** Please review, and tell us what you thought! Should we write more, or leave it at that?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Emails of a Fabric Softener Teddy Bear.

**Warnings, Disclaimer and Setting:** See first chapter.

**A/N: **We originally weren't going to add any more to this, but we got such a good response. It's nice to know people actually appreciate out lame senses of humour...

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: Pleeeeeeeease come out!

Dean, please come out of the motel room. Or at least unlock the door for _me _to come _in. _It's ten o'clock and I want to go to bed.

-Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: NO!

Come out? COME OUT! You sent me to a PSYCHIATRIST! A FREAKING **PSYCHIATRIST**!

From Dean.

A.K.A Pissed-off-at-Sam

* * *

To: dean.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: NO!

You agreed to come, _remember_? In fact, if I recall correctly, you were quite _excited _to go.

From Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: dean.w

Subject: RE: RE: NO!

Uh, yeah. Before I found out that the psychiatrist was a SIXTY-YEAR-OLD woman. Dude, she made me talk about my FEELINGS. And when I told her not to be such a control-freak with other people's lives, she made me PAINT.

_Paint_, Sam, PAINT!

From Dean.

A.K.A Pissed-off-at-Sam and Mrs. Let's-paint-frustration-shall-we.

P.S: Why did I just receive a shirt in the mail from Dad? Why is the shirt so soft? And WHY IS THE SHIRT PINK?

Is Dad trying to tell me something?

* * *

To: moldywart.wannabe

From: dean.w

Subject: Snuggle

Hey,

I know we're usually not exactly on the best of terms, but I was wondering if you could help me kill the F.S.T.B (fabric softener teddy bear). Maybe just set him on fire? Sam and Dad think I'm nuts and they've already sent me to a psychiatrist.

By the way, do you happen to have any idea why my dad gave me a pink shirt? Is he trying to suggest something? I mean, I know I've never had a real girlfriend and all... but that DOES NOT mean I like guys.

Or pink.

From Dean.

A.K.A. I HATE PINK.

* * *

To: dean.w

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: RE: Snuggle

NO, I will NOT try and help you kill Snuggle.

WE ARE ENEMIES! WE SHALL DO BATTLE AND THEN IN A HEARTBREAKING MOMENT, EITHER YOU OR YOUR BROTHER WILL SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO THE GREATER GOOD AND I SHALL BE KILLED. THEN, -SOMEHOW, IN A WAY THAT WON'T EVER BE FULLY EXPLAINED- YOU OR YOUR BROTHER (WHOEVER DIED) SHALL BE SOMEHOW RESURRECTED WITH THE POWER OF LOVE, AND IN ONE BIG CHICK-FLICK MOMENT, YOU'LL ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND SOMEHOW FORGET ABOUT THE DEMONS STILL OUT THERE.

The Dark Lord of Pyromania.

P.S: How did you get my Ppltalk address?

* * *

To: moldywart.wannabe

From: dean.w

Subject: RE: RE: Snuggle

Wow. That was insightful. I still don't get why you won't help me, though.

B.T.W, your Ppltalk address was on Wikipedia. Man, that site has everything.

From Dean.

A.K.A. I HATE PINK.

* * *

To: john.w

From: sammy.w

Subject: Dean

Dad, Dean didn't receive the shirt well. Now he seems to think you think he's gay. (Do you?) I mean, it was kind of weird... a PINK shirt?

He was in a mess when he left the psychiatrist's office. He had a painting clutched in one hand and he was shaking. Dean drove us back to the motel, then locked me out of it. I peeked into the window once to see him curled up into a little ball on the floor.

Dad, please come back. We need you.

-Sam.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: john.w

Subject: RE: Dean

DO NOT INSULT THE COLOUR PINK!

T.T.Y.L, Dad.

* * *

To: lets.paint.lovvve

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: The Winchester Boys

Rachel,

You didn't tell me you were having a session with the elder brother. Make sure his brother takes him back to see you. I need information and FAST.

The Dark Lord of Pyromania.

P.S: Were his paintings any good?

* * *

To: moldywart.wannabe

From: lets.paint.lovvve

Subject: RE: The Winchester Boys

His paintings? Nope. No real soul.

Can I ask why you need information on him? This whole I'm-gonna-take-over-the-world thing is getting old. I thought we were working on it. You need a _creative _outlet. Are you still taking your art classes?

From Rachel.

* * *

To: lets.paint.lovvve

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: RE: RE: The Winchester Boys

I cannnnnnnnnnnnn't. I killed the art teacher.

The Dark Lord of Pyromania.

* * *

To: sammy.w

From: lets.paint.lovvve

Subject: Your brother

Mr. Winchester,

I know Dean's first session didn't go particularly well, but I'm willing to try again. He needs help and he's just lucky to have such a caring brother like you to help him through it.

And me, of course.

From Rachel.

P.S: Would you be interested in sending your brother to _group _therapy? It might be easier for him.

* * *

To: lets.paint.lovvve

From: sammy.w

Subject: RE: Your brother

Sure, why not? I just want my brother to get better.

-Sam.

* * *

To: lets.paint.lovvve

From: moldywart.wannabe

Subject: GROUP THERAPY!

No! NO, NO, NO!

**NO!**

I saw the list hanging in your office window! You signed me up for group therapy!

WITH DEAN WINCHESTER!

The Dark Lord of Pyromania.

P.S: NO!

* * *

**A/N: **We hope that was okay! Just for the record, we didn't mean any offence to anyone in this. We have nothing against sixty-year-olds, homosexuals or the colour pink. Please review!


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